Before I became a Mom, I just cried when I needed to. Not since kids. I don’t want them to be concerned if Mommy’s crying (although they do see it sometimes). I prefer to find a private place (which is tough because it’s hard enough for us moms to get to the bathroom to pee alone, let alone cry).
Because let’s face it, the mental load of parenting is monstrous.
Some days are just hard, really hard
I know I can’t be the only mom out there who cries in her car when she is completely overwhelmed. I can’t be the only mom who finds comfort in the confinement of its walls and windows. I know there has to be more of you, because there are days when the screaming and tantrums won’t stop. There are days when you aren’t getting along with your spouse. There are days when you feel like your doing it all wrong. There are days when other people say things that may you feel like you’re failing.
I’ve been there. And rather than worry everyone else when my heart is overwhelmed, I let the flood gates open in the complete silence of my car. Sometimes I’m driving and listening to a song that hits me to the core of my mothering heart and I can feel the tears start to come and the road start to blur and so I pull over and cry. Or maybe a song that reminds me of my husband comes on when we’re in the middle of a rough patch and so I pull over and cry.
Mothering isn’t easy.
Parenting isn’t easy.
Marriage isn’t easy.
You don’t have to bear it all
You probably have lots of valid reasons to cry. Don’t ever think you don’t. Don’t ever think it’s silly or that you’re too sensitive. Don’t every think that you just have to be tough or grow up and what have you because life is full of these massive waves you didn’t see coming that can completely topple you over out of the blue.
I told my husband I sometimes worry about him because he doesn’t cry. Like at all. I think so many of us feel it’s childish or a waste of time, but sometimes it can be the thing that gives you the strength to get through another day. Maybe no one around you has any idea what you are going through because you’re so good at hiding it. Maybe you’re just tired of putting on a happy face for everyone else. Maybe you feel guilty for being sad when God has blessed your life in so many ways.
Jesus cried, too
Whatever it is, sweet friend, Jesus wept.
If He needed to cry, knowing the outcome of His steps on this earth: than how much more do I, not knowing the outcome of mine?
It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to find a quiet place, away from all the noise. It’s never a waste of time. It’s not childish. I fully believe we’ve been given the capacity to cry for a reason. I can remember one time I was laughing so hard I started to cry and my daughter was mortified:
“Why are you crying Mommy?”
“Because I am just so happy,” I said.
Because I’ve had these moments in my car too, the moments where I received a phone call about something that filled me with so much joy or shed a light on certain unfavorable circumstances that I burst into tears of joy. Or a song from our wedding came on that made me re-live some of those wonderful newlywed moments all over again and reminded me just how much I love my husband, that the tears just started to rain down.
If you’re crying in your car reading this, I see you. I just wanted you to know you are not alone. That you are so loved by everyone outside that car. That whatever mistake you made that’s weighing you down, is never to big for God to fix and never too bad for God to use to bring good things into your life.
If you feel like things are never going to get better, I’ve been there. If you feel like the pain is never going to go away, I’ve been there. If you feel like everything is a complete mess and there is no way things could ever be made right, I’ve been there. If you feel like getting in your car and just driving forever because you’re so mad at the world around you and completely and utterly exhausted and overwhelmed: I’ve been there.
It will get better, I promise
There are things in the future that you do not yet know about. There are outcomes to your situation that you could never Imagaine but God is already working on them for you.
It’s okay to cry in your car.
You’ve got a lot on your plate, more than anyone knows. No one on this earth has ever mothered your kids except you.
It’s okay to cry in your car. Just don’t stay there.