I wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. My mom ran a daycare out of her house and I was always surrounded by babies and children and I loved it. I wanted to be a mom so bad. I didn’t necessarily dream of going to college and getting a degree and I met my husband right out of high school and I knew we were going to get married and start a family so I didn’t go to college.
I would lie awake at night and dream of the day that I got to hold my baby in my arms. Even after each child that I had, as they got older I longed to have another baby in my arms.
Even though it’s all I’ve ever wanted, sometimes I get really tired of having a baby constantly in my arms.
Clingy is an understatement
Max is in a stage right now where he is extremely needy and is constantly needing to be held or nursed. I got maybe three hours of sleep last night because he wanted to be draped over my chest, nursing on and off, all night long. He has been attached to me for weeks end it doesn’t look like he is letting go anytime soon. I love my life, I absolutely adore my children, but I am freaking exhausted.
I just want ten minutes to myself. I want to take longer than 30 seconds in the bathroom. I want a full nights sleep. I want to take a nap in the middle of the day. I want to drink a cup of coffee without having to heat it up four times and then forgetting it in the microwave. I want to shower more than once a week. I want to enjoy a hot meal. I want alone time with my husband. I want to have time for friends. I want to go shopping alone.
It’s OK to talk about this
I know these things will happen again eventually but right now, motherhood is hard and it’s draining on me. Some days I am barely holding it together. Some days I cry as much as my baby does and some days I feel so defeated.
I have to keep reminding myself that I’m a good mom. Even though I long for the simpler times, that doesn’t make me a bad mom. It makes me human.
Motherhood is really hard and I think voicing these struggles is extremely important for moms to not feel so alone.