I love my children – loveeee my children.
But I don’t want to be their teacher, I just don’t.
I want to cheer them on.
I want to help guide them.
I want to be able to “help” when it comes to their homework as I guess it is part of my job description as a Mom; 1 of the 397 job descriptions that I feel I’m silently being crushed under as of recently.
But no, I don’t want to teach them.
All morning I’ve run between unloading and reloading the dishwasher.
I’ve run between unloading and reloading the washer and dryer.
I’ve run between a crying baby and the laundry that was once folded on the bed that is now unfolded on the floor.
I’ve run between four older kids who need me to help them with zooms and school work as it’s their “independent time” and they don’t have access to their teacher when they need them via “virtual school.”
Cue me: that means I’m the teacher.
No, I don’t want to teach my children.
Does that make me a bad parent?
I guess that’s subjective. Some of you will silently judge me and others will agree with me. Truth be told, it doesn’t matter as to whether you think it’s “okay” or not to feel this way, but fact is fact, I just do.
I don’t have the physical or emotional or mental strength to do this and to make it better or worse for y’all, I always remind you I am “highly certified” with a dual credential in elementary and special education and taught in the classroom for 10 years.
But no, I don’t want to teach my children.
I have to work multiple jobs and projects that I never have time to fulfill or at least do the job reasonably well because it’s an absolute shit show of trying to keep all these kids alive and fed and safe, aside from teaching them all and keeping over a dozen teachers’ emails and zooms and updates and newsletters and assignments and expectations organized.
I love my children, but no, I do not want to be their teacher.
I’m so ready for a normal society and masks to be lifted (no pun intended…or actually, yes, pun is intended) and for such madness and chaos to take a backseat. I want life to resume as it was when kids were kids and teachers were teachers and school actually looked like school.
However, I’m so terrified that it will never fully look like that ever again and just secretly hoping I’m terribly wrong.
This whole process will ebb and flow, I know that.
I had a few good hours amongst madness last week and although this Monday isn’t off to a great start, I’m sure I’ll find the silver lining throughout chaos this week as I’m a firm believer there’s always a silver lining.
Any other parents out there who are absolutely, unequivocally drained from the absurdity of life and are struggling to now wear the teacher hat, too:
I see you.
I hear you.
I feel you.
I am you.
Just know you’re not alone in your exhaustion or thinking. Moms always figure out the “unfigure-out-able” so here we go.
Next mission pending.