It’s 10pm and the kids are snug in bed. I’m aimlessly scrolling on social media falling deeply down a rabbit hole. The voices inside my head start rambling. “Wow, look at her hair.” “That’s a gorgeous dress.” “I wonder what kind of makeup she uses.” “She looks so put together.” “If I could just keep my home that clean, get my kids to sit still for this 15 minute family photo session, be a better cook, rock some mom jeans, stay sane.”
The voices just keeps on going.
Would I be a better mom?
Would I be a better mom with more sleep, more patience, no anxiety or OCD? Would I be a better mom if I didn’t need to run on coffee? Wait, no scratch that, I’m not willing to compromise on that.
You see, most of the time my hair is drugged in dry shampoo in some weird messy bun that took 10 seconds to throw up in a bird’s nest on top of my head. No matter how much eye cream I slather on, I still have permanent dark circles under my eyes that resemble tire tracks on the road. My brain is flashing “memory full” and I have to check my work schedule a million times to be sure I show up at the correct location for the day.
Regarding my composure and the “hot mess express” imagery I’ve painted of myself, my Facebook pictures say otherwise.
Maybe I’m that mom to other moms
Maybe to other moms, I am that mom. Maybe other moms are asking the same questions about my photos that I’m asking when I see their picture perfect shots.
Maybe they envy my pictures, or the meals I’m whipping up. Maybe they admire the smile that is tattooed to my face through it all. Or maybe it was the fake panic cleaning I just did as I kicked some toys into the closet and fancy draped a blanket over the couch when I heard their car door slam outside my house. I answered the door with a smile, but underneath I was silently cringing at the fact that they may or may not step on random three-day-old Cheerios embedded into my shag rug that my toddler stores like a chipmunk collecting nuts.
If I could just slow down, catch my thoughts, and handle things with more grace. Ha, who in the Tom Dick and Harry am I kidding?
Being comfortable with the real me
Suddenly, I put my phone down snapped back into reality. I won’t change or compromise who I am for anything or anyone. I am who I am. My mom friends love me for all I am and if people can’t handle me at my worst, they don’t deserve me at my best.
We live in a world where we are so hard on ourselves to be, look and act a certain way but there is no way. We think there is because it’s plastered in magazines and social media images plant these seeds in our head, but the truth is we are all a hot mess.
Some of us just hide it better than others and, you know what? Our kids still love us anyway because they don’t know the difference. They are the only true people that are pure and innocent whom see right through everything. If only we could keep them in this bubble forever.
Next time you catch yourself scrolling and getting in your head, stop, pause and put the phone down. You are worthy. You are already everything your family needs and more.
