The other day, I read a couple of articles about questions you should and should not ask your man/husband/boyfriend/whatever. For the most part, they were fine, but I felt a few questions were left out. Here’s the thing, there are a lot of subjects, situations, or issues that we as men just don’t consider until they come up.
There are some issues that we might not even see as our responsibility because we have been taught that it is not up to us. We have been let “off the hook” because either men might not be comfortable with a question or because women might be worried that our answer will be disappointing.
The conversation has to start somewhere, and it’s usually better to get the uncomfortable part of the conversation out of the way before you are in the heat of the moment. So I say, if you have a question that you think is important, let your man know. We aren’t mind readers, and if he loves you, it will be important to him too.
YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY ASK YOUR HUSBAND…
How should we manage our fertility as a couple?
When it comes to managing fertility in a marriage, men have been completely let off easy, especially in today’s world of birth control. We are told it’s not our body, so we don’t have a say. Some men are just too lazy to care or don’t want to think that hard. We just want to be there when the sex happens. I have heard too many stories of women telling their husbands that they are pregnant and the husband responds with, “How did that happen?”
Hello! You were there you big dummy! In a typical marriage, we make the baby together, we plan the baby room together, we decide on a doctor together, we raise the child together, we do everything together, except for plan how we want to avoid or achieve pregnancy together.
My wife and I use NFP (Natural Family Planning) in our marriage. We do not use any sort of barrier methods or hormonal birth control. Honestly, I think if more husbands knew more about birth control and how bad it is for women, they would discourage their wives from taking it. What NFP allows us to do is manage our fertility without putting any barriers in between us during sex. It’s kind of silly to tell your spouse, “I will give every part of myself to you…well, everything but my fertility. I want to remain in control of that.”
Ladies, if you are tired of being solely responsible for whether or not you get pregnant, it’s time to include the husband.
How would you feel or react if I had a miscarriage?
I can almost guarantee you, if this hasn’t happened yet in your marriage, your husband hasn’t thought about it. For me personally, there are a couple of answers to this question. If I didn’t know my wife was pregnant and we weren’t trying to get pregnant, a miscarriage wouldn’t upset me all that much. I have talked to other men about this and we all seem to agree. I don’t think it’s that we are cold-hearted or insensitive. I just think that most men don’t connect or bond with children until they are born. Women get a nine- month, and very unique, head start on the bonding. If anything, I just want to know that my wife is okay and if there is anything I can do for her. I know a miscarriage can be tough physically as well as emotionally. So, I want to be there for my wife as much as I can.
Now if we were trying to get pregnant, knew about the pregnancy, and were further along in the process I would be a little more heart broken. Probably not as sad as my wife would be, but then again, I have never and can never have a person living inside of me.
My point is this, bring it up. If this happens to you and your husband doesn’t seem sympathetic enough, you can’t get too mad at him. If you talk about it now, he may have more of an idea of what you need. It is also an opportunity to talk about when life begins and how you intend to respect that in your marriage.
There are a lot of places the conversation could go, considering it is about life. So give it a go. Could be a very informative conversation.
Do you like the way I look in this outfit?
This question was on all the don’t ask lists, but I love when my wife asks me this question.
Personally, this took a little work in our marriage. In the beginning of our relationship, my wife would ask my if I liked certain outfits or clothes on her, and I would always say yes. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. But then later, she would wear outfits that I thought looked terrible. I couldn’t say anything, because I already said I liked it. What I learned was that you can’t just say, that looks good or bad.
You have to train your husband to use words and phrases like, “That doesn’t flatter your body.” “That’s too short.” “That is a good color for you.” “That totally cuts off your body in a weird way.” “It’s fits nice, but I think my grandmother has drapes in that pattern.”
There are so many different body types out there and there are clothes that are made for each of those body types. I am not saying you need to make your husband watch a million fashion shows and learn how to put women’s outfits together. Maybe just encourage him to be honest. I enjoy helping my wife look her best and then gushing over her when we find a winner.